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Just Thinking…

Friday, October 6, 2017, 20:24 EST Leave a comment Go to comments

…about saying yet another good-bye to the love of my life last December. I did a few things immediately—deleted him from my cell phone, BlackBerry Messenger, and LinkedIn connections; changed the computer passwords that referenced him; put away the plaque he gave me for my 18th birthday (an Albert Camus quote, “Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”)—and resolved to move on once and for all. He was satisfied with the crumbs of our former relationship and I wanted the whole relationship. As the saying goes, when someone shows you who he is, believe him.

I haven’t written about it here, partly because I didn’t want to rip off the scab and partly because nothing worth writing had crystalized in my mind. But a song just shuffled up on my phone that hit the nail on the head back then. It was written by Stephen Stills, though it could have been written by me if only I had the songwriting talent of Stephen Stills. It’s comforting to know during challenging times that I’m not the only person who has ever been disappointed, and I certainly won’t be the last.

And so begins the task
I have dreaded the coming of for so long
I wait for the sun
To remind my body it needs resting

And I must learn to live without you now
I must learn to give only part somehow

Camping on the edge of your city, I wait
Hoping someday you might see beyond yourself
Shadows on the ceiling, hard but not real
Like the bars that cage you within yourself

And I must learn to live without you now
I must learn to give only part somehow

And I must learn to live without you now
As I cannot learn to give only part somehow

All of these cages must and shall be set aside
They will only keep us from the knowing
Actors and stages now fall before the truth
As the love shared between remains growing

And I must learn to without you now
As I cannot learn to give only part somehow

And that’s the end of that. Stay tuned for the next great adventure.

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