I Hope You’re Not Dead
Long-time regular readers of this blog might be aware that I have an ex-boyfriend whom I’ve never quite been able to put behind me. I learned several years back that he wasn’t able to put me behind him, either. Without going into details, he isn’t available. Nonetheless, we have maintained a very occasional communication, more or less limited to major holidays and each other’s birthdays, usually a text message, very rarely a phone call.
I told him a while back that such an arrangement wasn’t acceptable to me. I also told him that he had to be the one to end it because I did so 30 years ago and have regretted it ever since. I’ve tried to be patient while he comes to terms with what he has to do.
Yesterday was my 52nd birthday. For the first time since we reconnected in 2009, I didn’t hear from him. I can think of a few possible reasons:
- He is dead or otherwise incapacitated,
- Some other grave matter has kept him from communicating,
- He is somewhere without cell service, or
- He just decided not to call.
I pray it isn’t 1 or 2. I would understand 3. But my fear is that it’s 4. Our situation is such that I have decided not to initiate direct contact right now.
Once, he read this blog regularly. I don’t think he has for quite some time. But just in case he’s reading now, here’s a message:
LOML, don’t be this cruel. Please contact me, if only to let me know you’re OK.