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Today’s Example of Corporatese

Tuesday, September 27, 2011, 16:58 EDT Leave a comment Go to comments

I hate corporate jargon. And to think this stuff is written by people who make a lot more money than I do.

Get a load of what I saw at work today, in a slide presentation entitled, ironically, “Metrics and Communication” (with certain company-specific terms replaced by me):

Reputational and compliance risk is mitigated by aligning multiple control tools, supplemented by a continuous feedback/improvement model.

  • Policies and Procedures – Developed, documented, and central to operations; also cover foundational competencies such as accountability, ethics, change management, etc.
  • Training – Programs and protocols based on the documented policies and procedures; targeted to all [transaction] handling personnel.
  • Milestone Review – Required management sign-off at key decision points.
  • Adverse Decision Review – All “adverse” decisions require management or [quality assurance] sign-off.
  • Quality Reviews – Detailed file reviews form the basis for assessing [technical personnel] quality performance.
  • Independent Audit – Independent review for sample of adverse decisions; trend tracking, procedural gap identification, training opportunities identified.
  • Continuous Feedback Loop – Throughout the controls process, management and business unit focus on identification of issues and opportunities for improvement.

Slightly later in the same presentation was this gem:

It is important to be cognizant of the commitment in communication and management, as communication can be easily misinterpreted. Being clear in your statements and requests is important.

Quick, someone bring me to a wall against which I can bang my head until I pass out.

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