Home > stupidity > If You Don’t Have Brains, At Least Have a Supply of Styptic Pencils

If You Don’t Have Brains, At Least Have a Supply of Styptic Pencils

Tuesday, May 24, 2011, 08:06 EDT Leave a comment Go to comments

Shaving-while-driving clippingAlbert Einstein said it best: “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” Yes, human stupidity is a funny thing. Just when you think you’ve heard it all, somebody somewhere does something so ridiculous as to be beyond the comprehension of sensible people.

That was my reaction when I got this newspaper clipping via email from a co-worker. The column is entitled, “Driving and shaving just don’t mix,” and quite frankly I thought it was going to be about some GQ model wannabee using the electric razor while cruising in the fast lane during morning rush hour. But that’s just run-of-the-mill stupid, like texting or applying mascara at 65 mph. This column, which I managed to find online, was about a much more novel exhibit of stupidity.

Florida Highway Patrol troopers said the car Megan Barnes was driving crashed into the back of a pickup truck at about 45 mph. Her reaction time was slowed down because she was too busy grooming her hoohah to pay attention to the road. Oh, like that’s never happened to you?

Ms. Barnes told the investigating officer that she was on her way to a date and “wanted to be ready for the visit.”

[ . . . ]

There are so many “You might be a redneck if” elements to the story of Megan Barnes, but my favorite is that, while performing this extremely personal grooming ritual, she asked her EX HUSBAND to steer the car so she could concentrate (“Help me out, Buford, I’m gonna make it look like a LIGHTNING BOLT!”)

It turns out the story is old, from March 2010, but this is the first I’ve heard of it. And I must say, I’ve read it a few times and still can’t believe it. Oh, to have been a fly on the wall when the Florida state police realized what they had stumbled upon. How do you keep a straight face? Did they have to examine the evidence? Were photographs involved?

I am far from the perfect person, but seriously, behavior like this is inconceivable to an intelligent woman such as myself. At least I wait for a red light before doing my intimate grooming.

Categories: stupidity
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