Home > funny/satire, politics > Sarah Palin Is Trying to Kill Me!

Sarah Palin Is Trying to Kill Me!

Monday, January 10, 2011, 16:45 EDT Leave a comment Go to comments

After hearing and reading an increasing number of lefty rantings about how conservatives in general, Republicans in particular, the Tea Party movement, and former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin are responsible for Saturday’s assassination attempt on U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and the deaths of six other people, I decided to try an experiment. I wanted to at least attempt to understand what motivates liberals (or progressives, as they started calling themselves when they figured out that only about 20% of the public likes liberals) to jump to conclusions before they know anything and cling to those conclusions despite what they learn. I decided to try thinking like a liberal, to hop on the “the right is violent, the left is peaceful” bandwagon. I’m calling it Liberal-for-a-Day.

One thing I have learned during this odyssey and my study of the ramblings of the nation’s very best progressives over these last few days is that the guy who tried to kill U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords in Tucson this past weekend was driven to murder by this map put online during the congressional campaign by Gov. Palin:

Sarah Palin's target map

I have learned that the crosshairs on the map mean that Palin wanted those members of Congress, which include Rep. Giffords, dead, but the bullseyes on this map just mean that Democrats want to win those elections. This is because “the right is violent, the left is peaceful.”

Something about the Palin map did indeed stir abject fear in my heart, and it wasn’t just because (repeat after me) “the right is violent, the left is peaceful.” For some reason, I felt personally threatened. I couldn’t come up with a rational explanation for my unsettled feeling, so I attributed it to simply being mega super good at my Liberal-for-a-Day game. This morning, though, I glanced at the screen of my BlackBerry and saw something that made my blood run cold:

BlackBerry screen shot

To the untrained centrist or conservative eye, it probably looks like an ordinary smart phone screen. You can clearly see that the screen shot was taken 08:18. Military personnel will recognize that the time is displayed in 24-hour format, meaning it was 8:18 a.m. Other observant people might notice that the device battery was fully charged and that at the moment of the screen grab I had only two signal bars. Techies will be able to tell that I am on a 3G network. BlackBerry users will note that the Normal ring profile is active.

Only a true Palin-hating liberal, however, will zero in on the symbol of hatred and violence in the upper right corner under the signal indicator:

BlackBerry screen shot detail

It’s the very same crosshair symbol used on the SarahPac hit-list map. Palin must have taken over my phone and is sending me threatening messages about her violent intentions. So if some horrible calamity soon befalls me, you’ll know who to blame.

Having had my consciousness raised during this game of Liberal-for-a-Day, I’m not sure I can go back to my prior state of blissful ignorance. I’ll never feel safe again.

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Categories: funny/satire, politics
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