Home > sports > The Den Mother and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Sports Night*

The Den Mother and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Sports Night*

Monday, January 3, 2011, 23:15 EDT Leave a comment Go to comments

(*with apologies to Judith Viorst)

First, Team USA loses to the &#%*ing Canadians in the semi-final of the World Junior Hockey Championship tournament. I want to be magnanimous and be happy for the boys from America’s Hat, but I can’t. I know, I’m a bad person. In fact, I’m not feeling too warm and fuzzy about Buffalo right now, either. Not that there’s much in Buffalo to feel warm and fuzzy about. Sign me up as being in complete agreement with Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy, who tweeted the following at various points during the game:

This junior hockey game is further proof that we just need to sell Buffalo to Canada. Get it over with already.

What about a blockbuster in which we get Vancouver and Canada gets Buffalo + other goodies? I’m hitting the Trade Machine.

OK, here’s my final offer: Buffalo, Detroit, 50% of Montana, three No. 1 picks + $3 million for Vancouver + Steve Nash.

The only problem with that last offer is that I’m pretty sure we’d have to pay someone to take Detroit.

But back to the sports. After the WJHC debacle, I have to watch the Celtics and Bruins eke out wins against sucky teams. Yeah, a win is a win, but both teams are supposed to win, especially against lousy opponents like tonight’s. (Sorry, LOML, but I cannot tell a lie.)

I do realize that the Patriots are headed into the playoffs as the winningest team in the NFL, the #1 seed in the AFC, and the favorite to win the Super Bowl. And that the Red Sox, six weeks from pitchers and catchers reporting to spring training, are loaded up for a pennant run. And that the Celtics, despite tonight’s struggles, are on the road to banner 18. And that the Bruins…well, we don’t expect too much of the Bruins, even though they are currently leading their division.

Really, I don’t want to seem greedy. I’m not, about most things. But sports are different. The Bruins will be OK; the Celtics will be more than OK. But Team USA doesn’t get a second chance, and they won’t be defending their title. The best they can hope for now is a bronze medal. And that sucks.

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