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Fire Drill Debriefing

Wednesday, December 1, 2010, 07:14 EDT Leave a comment Go to comments

A couple months ago, my employer held our annual evacuation drill. As the designated Safety Committee member for my work area, I thought it would be helpful to my charges to let them know how we did. A co-workers has since mentioned that she found my post-drill report so entertaining that I should blog it. The names have been changed to protect the innocent, the disabled, and the stupid.

I couldn’t go on vacation without a few words about the fire drill.

The Good:

  • We all got out of the burning building. Hooray!
  • Sara G. and her buddy Katie got to the area of refuge and were safe. Hooray!

The Bad:

  • For some reason I can’t begin to understand, a bunch of you were waiting around outside Jack’s cube rather than fleeing screaming from the burning building. Only my instructions to get the h*!! out saved you from becoming char-broiled.
  • Haley went back into the burning building in order to go to the security desk and inform them that Sara G. and Katie were in the area of refuge. Now Haley is char-broiled and no one knows Sara G. and Katie were waiting to be rescued. Bummer!
  • Pam returned from her daily walk and tried to enter the burning building, apparently intent on becoming char-broiled like Haley. Bummer!
  • There I was at our designated gathering place in the corner of small Harvard, all alone because everyone else walked halfway into the parking lot and then stopped to chat. I was very lonely and thought you were all char-broiled, and dead. Bummer!

The Ugly:

  • It has been brought to my attention that the areas of refuge are in dire need of furniture and perhaps some adult beverages and hors d’oeuvres.
  • Whose bright idea was it to have a fire drill on a Friday afternoon when I had tons to do the day before I was scheduled to leave on vacation? That was stupid in the extreme. Remind me to register a formal complaint when I get back.

But seriously, folks, four things to remember:

  1. When there is a fire alarm (which I realize we barely hear, but there is a strobe light that is a dead giveaway), LEAVE THE BUILDLING … IMMEDIATELY … VIA THE NEAREST AVAILABLE EXIT. Don’t wait for me to tell you it’s a real fire alarm. Better safe than sorry.
  2. If you have to report on the location of someone in an area of refuge, LEAVE THE BUILDING WITH EVERYONE ELSE and report to security OUTSIDE at or near our gathering spot. If there’s a real fire, the security people will be evacuating just like everyone else, because they don’t want to become char-broiled like Haley.
  3. Our meeting place is in the corner of the small Harvard lot, near the Harvard Street fence and the brick apartment building. Please go there and check in with me. Don’t make me come looking for you in the parking lot. Who knows, maybe one of these times I’ll have candy, but only for the people who do it right.
  4. Always wear your employee badge. Yes, I’m talking to YOU.

Thanks again. It was so much fun, I think we should do it again next year.

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