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Thanksgiving Weather Forecast

Wednesday, November 25, 2009, 14:48 EDT Leave a comment Go to comments

If it’s a holiday or other notable event, we here in the northeastern United States get treated to the creativity of Elliot Abrams, Chief Forecaster at AccuWeather. With a hat tip to DMF (the Den Mother’s Father), I present Elliot’s Thanksgiving weekend forecast.


Turkeys will finish thawing Thanksgiving morning, then warm in the oven to a high near 190 in the afternoon. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or a cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and early evening hours, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey and cause it to accumulate 1-2 inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other, especially if it mixes in as you turn to the green bean casserole. Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch has been issued for the entire area and we expect intervals of indigestion, with increasing stuffiness around the beltway.

During the evening the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers and drop to a low of 34 in the refrigerator. Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday: high pressure to eat sandwiches; flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50% chance of scattered soup during the midday hours. We expect a warming trend baste on where soup develops.

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Categories: funny/satire
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