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I’m Embarrassed for Arlen Specter

Wednesday, May 14, 2008, 19:31 EST Leave a comment Go to comments

The Clueless Arlen SpecterI just listened to Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA) giving his press conference after meeting with former New England Patriots assistant videographer Matt Walsh about the annoyingly nicknamed “Spygate” scandal. Actually, I didn’t listen to the whole thing. I only listened until my ears started to bleed.

What you wouldn’t know from reading the various news accounts, which were obviously written by professional journalists who have no motivation to help a public figure make an ass of himself, is that Specter’s remarks bore a remarkable resemblance to the the rantings of other victims of paranoid delusions, such as 9/11 Truthers or bitter cry-babies who don’t like to lose elections. Those who didn’t hear the press conference may get some taste of what the rest of us heard if someone decides to transcribe the contents of the conference. Unless and until such a transcript becomes available, I can only share a few of the nuggets I gleaned from this rather disturbing event.

  • I’m pretty sure Specter is getting senile. I haven’t heard such bizarre babbling since my late grandmother’s nursing home roommate told my father that there were maggots in her soup. One of his biggest gripes is that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell didn’t reveal that the Patriots had been taping opponents’ signals throughout Bill Belichick’s tenure, but the Boston Globe reported three months ago that Goodell told Specter exactly that. Then there was his utter shock—SHOCK! I tell you— that Goodell never bothered asking Walsh about the Patriots’ illicit taping activities in 2003, 2004, 2005, even thought Walsh was no longer working for the Patriots at those times. Um, Senator? Aricept: buy it, take it.
  • The Eagles lost, and Specter will never accept it. Never.
  • He will also never accept even the possibility that the Patriots aren’t the most evil entity since the Gestapo. He will continue to interpret lack of evidence of unforgivable crimes as merely proof that we need another investigation.
  • The Eagles lost, and Specter will never accept it. Never.
  • And did I mention that Specter will never accept that the Eagles lost? Well, he won’t.

If anyone finds a transcript of the press conference, please e-mail it to me. Hell, I’ll even settle for an online video and transcribe it myself.

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