Home > funny/satire > Zarqawi Speaks from the Great Beyond

Zarqawi Speaks from the Great Beyond

Saturday, June 10, 2006, 02:46 EDT Leave a comment Go to comments

My sides ache, my face hurts, and my lungs are burning from laughing so hard. It isn’t like me to find humor in the death of another human being, however vile he may be. But I’ve also never really considered what might be awaiting those terrorist “martyrs” on the other side.

Damn those clowns at Blame Bush! for turning me on to this:

You think I didn’t see this martyrdom goatshit coming? Cracka, please…

Now, back in the madrassa when we studied the afterlife, I always wondered what would be the last thing to go through my head. I’m pretty sure now it was one of Mahmoud’s anklebones…

Turns out paradise is dumpier that you’d expect. A lot dumpier. In fact it’s a lot like the Iraq boondocks; sandy, dusty, seemed like 150 degrees in the shade. I always figured paradise would have better climate control, but hey, Allah has the thermostat and He works in mysterious ways. I start looking around, and looking around. No virgins, no figs, no raisins. Now, I’m horny, hungry, and annoyed…

Just between us, I’d have to say that so far Paradise has overrated. Don’t get me wrong, Allahu Akbar, blah blah blah. But if this initiation thing doesn’t end soon, I’m thinking about filling out a complaint form.

Do yourself a big favor and read the whole thing.

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Categories: funny/satire
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