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Stupid Post-Game Questions

Monday, October 24, 2005, 00:16 EDT Leave a comment Go to comments

Because of this evening’s downpour in Chicago, tonight’s World Series game was delayed. Instead of the pre-game show, therefore, Fox Sports gave us some post-game coverage following the Dallas Cowboys vs. Seattle Seahawks game, which Seattle won by a field goal at the buzzer. Some Fox personality whom I don’t know, interviewing some Seattle player whom I don’t know, asked the quintessential Moronic Post-Game Question:

"How big was this win for your team?"

This is the fallback question for on-air personalities who are neither journalists nor interviewers, and they never ask it after a game that is not really any big deal. It’s typically asked after a dramatic come-from-behind win, an emotional win-one-for-the-Gipper performance, or a decisive playoff win. The people who ask it are on the radio or television because they either look or sound good, not because they are capable of asking a probing question to elicit an interesting answer. In fact, they are utterly incapable thereof, which is why they are not the people asking the questions in the post-game press conferences given by players and coaches.

What they’re doing is asking a question that they and all the viewers already know the answer to, but just in case the interviewee doesn’t know what he or she is supposed to say, the interviewer asks a question for which there is only one reasonable answer. Just once, I’d like to see the following exchange:

Q: How special is this win to your team?

A: It isn’t special at all, Joe. This is our job, and we get paid obscene money to play. The reason we’re jumping around like kids on Christmas morning is because winning means we don’t have to listen to the coach holler at us, do an afternoon of wind sprints tomorrow, or be humiliated on national television. And you are an idiot.

In the unlikely event that one of these sports studs or sports babes is reading this, here are a few suggestions for some decent interview questions.

  • This would have been appropriate after the aforementioned Dallas vs. Seattle game: "That was a 51-yard field goal, Sam; was there any disagreement about whether you should go for the field goal or take your chances in overtime?"
  • Appropriate after a record-setting feat: "At what point in the game did you realize you might have a chance at a historic performance? Did you have any trouble keeping your nerves in check, and if so, what did you do?"
  • Appropriate after a playoff victory: "Obviously, athletic ability is of primary importance at this level of play, but do you feel your mental attitude contributed to winning this game/series/championship?"

Even if "human interest" fluff is the goal, there are some questions that might yield some interesting and unexpected answers.

  • "Does it take you longer to come down from the emotional high of a big win like this?"
  • "Give us the inside info about how you and your teammates celebrate after a big win like this."
  • "Do you have friends or family here today/tonight? How many, and what did it set you back to bring all those people to a game, anyway?"

You get the point.

In the unlikely event that one of people who hire these sports studs and sports babes is reading this, allow me to point out that I’d be happy to work for you. I will give you a much better product than what you’re getting now, and for about half what you’re paying those bimbos and bimbettes working for you now.

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